(Looking and Feeling Good)
for Larger Ladies
Confidence may be the starting point to feeling positive about yourself, achieving goals and having most people treat you in high regard.
I know that probably sounds like a corny advert for a booklet on this topic! I got into online "size acceptance" in year 2000, and have read about the lives of many thousands of real plus sized ladies. I've discussed issues of relationships, prejudice, careers, fitness and families to learn the reality and variety of living a larger life. I've helped hundreds of ladies turn their lives around for the better.
Inner beauty sneaks outside
Confidence and character often shine through to the outside via facial expressions. For any lady with a damaged self esteem, it can be a long struggle to build up confidence in oneself. But an understanding of the problem can help to give you a short-cut to a more upbeat life.
Not only facial expressions, but poise and walking 'tall', all affect how other people react to you. The good news is that you can fake the confidence with practice, and if it produces good reactions from folk who treat you nicely, then it may create a genuine confidence.
It's different for each lady, but here are some things that have been known to help start a lady on the right road:
- If you have a digital camera (or web-cam), you can practice taking photos of yourself in private. This is especially good when trying on new clothes. Check out what good quality photography looks like, by searching online for plus size fashion and modelling and photography. That will give some ideas of how to pose, and smile for a camera. With practice, it will come more naturally. If you like your photos, then show them to friends to find out their reactions.
- Trying out different fashions can also be a boost to your ego. It has got easier to find flattering fashions that are trendy and also likely to fit well. If you haven't already, develop your own style, that suits both your taste and your character. When you feel better about your appearance through style, it becomes easier to smile and stand proudly, and start to give off that air of confidence.
- If you don't already think that you are attractive, then please understand that good looks is highly subjective. Nature has its own way of making sure everyone will find a soulmate, and common sense tells us that it would be impractical to have all men attracted to only a minority of women! That would be silly. The movie and televison industry tend to brainwash us into seeing only a limited range of beauty. The reality is that there are men who are attracted to all shapes, sizes, heights, colours, and so on. Some women appreciate this and can be happy with their appearance. Others can be nasty about other women's figures. Women tend to be more influenced by the media, 'helped' along by women's magazines. Men are more likely to know what they find attractive, so try asking some for honest opinions of what they find attractive in female figures.
- Whenever anyone looks at you (especially men), assume that they are admiring. It is likely to be true. But even if it isn't, some folk look purely out of curiosity if they see someone large, or tall or short. Anyone who actually says something negative, doesn't have an opinion worth noting, because they are very foolish (and heartless) for speaking out. Reject their opinion and welcome the silent majority's admiring looks. I know it can be really hard to get an insult out of one's mind, but this becomes much easier when your sense of style and your confidence build up.
- Don't put your life on hold "until I lose weight" - to quote the phrase I've read/heard so often. This is partly because consistent weight-loss (if that's what you need/want) usually depends on building up your self-esteem first. And partly because countless larger ladies do manage to lead fulfilling lives without being thin. So, unless there's a special medical reason to lose weight right now, life works far better if it moves down your list of things to achieve. Hobbies, relationships, family, career goals. Many ladies actually lose weight after they have stopped trying, because they have started to feel good about themselves, and comfort eating ceases. Every person is different, but just make sure you get your priorities in your life in the right order of importance. One obsession can get in the way of everything else.
- Very important this: If you've suffered a lot of hardship, and been treated badly, be very careful who you talk to about it. If you publicise your woes, then it makes you an easy target for abusers, parasites and control-freaks. Many women get into a "merry-go-round" of repeated relationship abuse, or maybe even female 'friends' who use them. They home in on the vulnerable. Real friendships work both ways. Only discuss your past troubles with close confidants that you trust.
- Something to make you think: Three different people making the same observation/comment about your appearance, might mean three totally different things. For example, "Wow, what big hips". One person is just curious, because the hips are a little out of the ordinary. One is insulting, because they think big is bad. The other is an admirer who wants to say how impressed he is (or a lady who knows that curves = feminine). But how many ladies would automatically assume that observations are negative? Always assume that it is probably neutral or positive, if you can't be absolutely sure.
My final advice:
Smile as often as possible! It's the first step to being treated well by people you encounter.